DIARY OF A MAD COMEDIAN
Notes from New York
November 16, 2004
Flew from LA to NY, read the book You Remind Me of Me by Dan Chaon. Got home, opened mail, received a request from BlackBook mag that my agency forwarded me, dated Oct. 16. It arrived Nov. 15óboy, my agency is on it.
November 17, 2004
Read the book Sickened by Julie Gregory all day long. Left my apartment once to buy greens for Dusty. Turned on the TV for 3 minutes. How can a reality show have outtakes? Had a dream where the older me was shaking the younger me, age five, saying, ďIím sorry, Iím so sorry.Ē I donít know why I would dream thatif anyone should be apologizing itís the five-year-old.
November 18, 2004
Brought my change to Food Emporium on 14th. Got a chit for $72. Did my favorite joke and asked for it all back in change. No cashier ever finds that amusing. Delivered cupcakes. Got a message from Sarah Jessica saying to boycott Lafayette Bakery on Greenwich because by the register they have a Xeroxed picture of George Bush with ďWhoís your daddy now, NY?Ē written on it in Magic Marker.
November 20, 2004
Was scraping laminates off a book cabinet with a 3-in-1 tool and ended up stabbing myself in the nose with the bladeóblood everywhere. I made an ice pack and secured it on my face using the end of a pair of tights. Continued scraping. Was in a lot of pain.
November 21, 2004
I roasted a chicken, finished reading Among the Missing by Dan Chaon. Met him later for a cheeseburger at Fagatus.
November 22, 2004
Three weeks ago my dad took his eight-month-old Great Dane puppy to Tarheel Canine Training, lnc in North Carolina. He was going to pick her up when he got a call from an emergency room saying that they had his dog, that it was in critical condition and what did he want them to do. No one ever told my dad that the puppy was sick. When my father arrived the dog was bleeding from everywhere and died on the table. The training school will not call my father back or acknowledge the death of the puppy. My dad is having an autopsy done. This is the second dog he has lost this year. My dadís 80, this is not good. That redneck training school killed my dadís dog. Thatís a terrible story.
November 23, 2004
Shot an anti-fur ad for PETA as Jerri Blank. My brother Paul called to tell me he had to fire one of his helpers. Like he always says, ďYouíre only as good as your Mexican.Ē
November 24, 2004
David and I went Christmas shopping. Heís done, I am almost. He came over for dinner. I made chicken of the taverns, we watched Howís Your News?óthe documentary about a group of retarded people that decided to put together their own news team and go to the Republican and Democratic conventions. Hilarious!
November 25, 2004
Thanksgiving, I decided last minute to cook and invite riffraff, friends that didnít have anywhere to go. It was rather uneventful. Was allowed to listen to the Charlie Brown Christmas record, itís official after Thanksgiving dinner.
November 26, 2004
Crafty Beavers Meeting. We just talked about taking December off. I showed everybody my new oral disorder book.
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