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On this "painfully special" episode of
Strangers With Candy

    As if it's not bad enough that Jerri and Orlando have to carpool with the Faganocoulos family, they end up smelling like goats. Orlando doesn't seem to mind, but Jerri does. Doesn't he know that "Greeks are just Jews without money"?  To add insult to injury, Jerri also wants a pair of the sneakers that all the popular kids are wearing (Flair®: "Damn, that's a long lace"), but she can't afford them. She can't go to rich girl Melissa's upcoming party without having a pair of Flair®s, and then there's "Poorlando's" party to consider, too. The parties are both on the same night and, of course, Jerri would prefer to go to a rich party over a poor one; but how will she get a pair of Flair®s? She can't just break into the school's Cold Cash Quik ATM, can she? Rich girls like Melissa seem to have it so easy. Jerri gets chastised for putting her feet up on her desk in Noblet's class, but when he sees Melissa's Flair®ed feet up on her desk all he does is compliment her. In Jellineck's class Jerri presents her origami project (a dollar bill folded so that George Washington's mouth goes from a smile to a frown when you tilt it) and gets a D. But when Melissa shows Jellineck her $100 bill with Benjamin Franklin doing the same trick he gives her an A+.  She tries everything she can think of to come up with enough $$ for a pair of the coveted sneakers. She asks her stepmother for help, but Sara reminds Jerri that they don't have enough money to buy a pair of Flair®s for Jerri (even though Derrick has a new pair). Since Sara is unwilling to work, the Blank family is just going to have to help Jerri to tighten her belt. She throws herself down a flight of stairs at school in hopes of filing a lucrative lawsuit, but Principal Blackman informs her that the school is not insured because of that very reason. She tries bullying a student, while the girl is sitting on the toilet in a bathroom stall, but the girl just takes out a TASER and zaps Jerri. Finally, after she's caught trying to sell a term paper on the Lincoln Douglas Debate, Jerri is directed by Blackman to seek the assistance of the school's Amway-pushing job counselor, Miss Plog. After rebuffing Plog's attempts to lure her into her pyramid scheme, Jerri ends up finding a job at a shoe store called Daisy's Misstep, but she doesn't take to the world of retail very easily. The store's owner, Dick Sheridan, takes Jerri under his wing, though, and tries to keep her from kissing up to Melissa when the rich bitch comes in to buy a fresh pair of Flair®s.  Jerri is desperate, though, so she's willing to degrade herself and massage Melissa's feet in order to inherit her soon-to-be castoff pair of Flair®s.  At the last moment, Jerri recalls her boss's words about the value of true friendship so she walks out of the store, leaving Melissa high and dry with Mr. Sheridan, and heads for the Pinatubo house. After a sampling of Orlando's Mee-Maw's interpretive hand tales and some spirited cultural dancing, Jerri gets the idea to throw a brick through the shoe store window so she can steal a pair of the prized sneakers. She ditches Orlando's party, commits a burglary, and goes to Melissa's party. Everyone seems to be enjoying the festivities except Melissa. Where could she be? Is she not buried beneath the shoe store like Daisy (the strumpet who dumped Mr. Sheridan many years before in favor of that strapping Dutch Lonigan)? Through it all, Jerri has learned that you can be rich in friends or family or love, but the only thing that matters is to be rich in money. She has also learned that the poor are filthy, thieving people.

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Episode Title: "A Price Too High For Riches"

Tony's Rating:

Original Airdate: 7/3/00

Production Number: 2-10

Directed by: Peter Lauer

Writers: Paul Dinello, Amy Sedaris, Nicholas Stoller
Additional Writer: Matt Lappin

Regular Cast: AS, DR, GH, LS, OP, PD, SC

Guest Cast:  Jessica Boevers (Melissa), Gerry Vichi (Dick Sheridan, the shoe store owner), Shawn Stallworth, Jackie Hoffman (Miss Plog), Todd Swensen (Tad), Neil Fagan (Mr. Faganocoulos), Patrick McCracken (Andy Spear), Courtney Delong, Ed Jupp Jr. (Man in wheelchair), Rebecca Kasper, George Bass, Lisa Terezakis, Tami Willis Jr., Benjamin Kwan, Antoinette Dipietropolo

Flatpoint Lexicon:

Amway® (am'·wā) n. 1 a global leader in the multi-level marketing industry (according to their website); aka Quixtar®, Team of Destiny®, TEAM®
2 a legal pyramid scheme, likened to a cult and called Scamway by detractors

Flair® (flār) n. 1 popular brand of footwear among wealthy and stylish teenagers; name derives from the word meaning a natural talent or ability, or a sense of what is stylish and striking
2 Damn!  That's an expensive shoe!

Additional Episode Information

Melissa wears a Size 2/Narrow Flair®
· David Sedaris, Amy's brother, used the "Greeks are just Jews without money" line in "We Get Along", one of the short stories in his 1995 collection entitled Barrel Fever.
· Melissa plans to wear a dress made of unborn leopard pelts to her party.
· Jerri's former pimp, Nico, is Principal Blackman's bookie.
· Dick Sheridan's tale about Daisy is a nod to F. Scott Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby".
· Among the other footwear brands that are sold at Daisy's Misstep are Ken Soles, Addidems, and Buster Blacks.
· Neil Fagan (Mr. Faganocoulos) is the father of regular extras Matt Fagan (Spiro), Elizabeth "Liz" Fagan (Ann, Alice, gave speech about her dream to work at the artificial flower factory in "Yes You Can't"), and Tim Fagan (dreamt of being a "gangsta with a crew, knee-deep in bitches", in "Yes You Can't"). The Fagan kids played the band members in "Bogie Nights" & "Jerri's Burning Issue": Liz was the keyboardist, Matt (Spiro) was the drummer, Tim was on bass, and Liz's boyfriend Neal Ajamian was on guitar. And yet another Fagan, Thomas, was an additional guitarist in "Jerri's Burning Issue".
· The Flairs TV commercial featured DJ In-Step and DJ Sox.

On The 'Flatpoint High School' Sign:  "ALL MAJOR CREDIT CARDS ACCEPTED"

The Best Things In This Episode:
· The Flair® commercials.
· Jackie Hoffman as the Amway-pushing job counselor.
· The scenes with the shoe store owner (Gerry Vichi).
· Seeing a slice of life in the Pinatubo home.
· Jerri's failed attempt at bullying, resulting in a stun-gun zap.
· Jerri's head being slammed against the locker.

Closing Credits Dance Sequence:  A neon Flair®s commercial in a giant shoe box.

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