Amy probably made this appearance as an almost last-minute favor for Dave because of another guest’s cancellation.

  • Amy requested that Paul Shaffer play “Girl Talk” for her entrance.
  • Amy wished Dave a happy anniversary (seven years since his bypass surgery) and asked if he received a Lipitor basket.
  • When asked what her plans and goals are for 2007 Amy said that she doesn’t have any: “It’s like living in a bikini.” (whatever that means) She suggests that perhaps she could usher for Dave’s audience at the Ed Sullivan Theater, or maybe she could be the person who gives him makeup touch-ups, or maybe give notes to the band.
  • She said that she’d been having allergy problems and someone told her that she should vacuum her mattres. She said that when she did it sounded like she was vacuuming up shells on the beach.
  • She said that she and her sister Lisa had gone to visit their brother David’s homes in France and in London, before David goes to live in Japan for three months (I smell another “Me Talk Pretty” kind of a book cooking…).
  • After her trip to Europe she went to Florida to relax and she stayed at the home of this woman whom she’d never met. It sounded like she was just crashing on some complete stranger’s futon, but it turns out that her hostess was the sister of Amy’s friend at her neighborhood Post Office. This woman never locks her doors because, as she explained, “I have a lot of angels.”
  • Here’s a fun fact from Amy:  The next time you go to a flea market, remember that you don’t need to bring measuring tape because “a dollar bill is six inches long.” (according to my ruler, it’s six and one-eighth inches long)
  • She mentioned how a few nights earlier Madonna seemed to be offended when Dave didn’t know how many children she had, but Amy herself hadn’t been offended when Dave thought that she had a ferret instead of a rabbit. Then she asked Dave, “How’s your lizard, Harry?”
  • Amy asked Dave if he brings his own lunch to work and then said that when she’s working she prefers to bring her own lunch, rather than to eat food that’s made in large quantities.
  • Dave asked Amy about her recent appearance on Martha Stewart’s show, and each time Amy referred to Martha she used the male pronouns, he and his.
  • She told Dave that while she was on her book tour people often asked about her relationship with him and she told them two things: One, he once asked her to go on a trip to Mexico for ten days, and, two, he once asked her if she’d ever done heroin, right before they were about to go back on the air after a commercial break.
  • She said that she doesn’t like receiving gifts from people she doesn’t know, such as huge paintings of these strangers, or images of people dressed up as her characters superimposed onto a huge pillow, so she brings a pair of scissors with her so she can shred the items and dispose of them in the trash at the airport.
  • Amy asked if she could stay for the next segment, featuring magician Jason Randall.

October 6, 2006

Amy made this appearance to promote her new book, the entertaining guide to entertaining, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence.

  • She shared something that she learned earlier that day. “You know when women walk around and they show off their stomachs and they have, like, maybe a little roll of fat hanging over the belt? You know what you call that? Muffin tops.”
  • She told Dave that since her imaginary boyfriend, Ricky, was murdered two and a half years ago (from being stabbed 18 times in the chest) her apartment has been haunted by his ghost. She said that after he died she had a really difficult time because he used to take care of all the monthly bills.
  • She also notified Dave that her rabbit Dusty had bad gas recently.
  • When asked about her early career, she said that it all started when she got her first wig when she was three years old. She also said that later, during her professional career, whenever she’d go on an audition, instead of doing a monologue from “‘night, Mother” or Shakespeare, she’d do a reading from the book, “Our Bodies, Ourselves” (she was bleeped twice while discussing this topic).
  • She and Dave made a craft, “Seeing Peanuts,” by using glue to attach “googly eyes” to peanuts.
  • Last, but not least, they discussed Amy’s book and Dave told her how much he likes it.