Miscellany: A Flatpoint Phylum

Art Imitates Life Imitates Art: (see also, the Florrie Fisher category below)

  • Old Habits, New Beginnings — When Stephen Colbert was in the eighth grade his teacher warned the class never to do acid because he knew of a boy who took acid, thought himself to be a bumblebee, and tried to force himself through a keyhole. [Art Imitates Life]
  • Dreams On the Rocks — By a strange coincidence, after this episode was written, but before it went into production, a small town in Maine staged an all-white production of Raisin in the Sun because there were no black people living in the community. [Life Imitates Art]
  • Dreams On the Rocks — Jellineck feeding lines to Jerri onstage was inspired by the fact that Paul, Stephen, and others often had to do the same for Amy. [Art Imitates Life]
  • Hit and Run — Jellineck’s face, which was torn off, is transplanted back on to his skull. In 2005 a French woman became the first person to have a real face transplant. [Life Imitates Art]

Bad Teaching:

  • Old Habits, New Beginnings — Jellineck shows Jerri a little bit of Americana that he’s painting for Drug Awareness Week. The piece is entitled “The Battle of Miami” and it shows Christopher Columbus battling the Pilgrims as they attempted to land.
  • A Burden’s Burden — Coach Wolf teaches her class about the responsibilities and difficulties of raising a baby by giving them an actual baby.
  • Dreams on the Rocks — Noblet tells his class that, “after his violent revolution, Gandhi was devoured by his followers.”
  • To Love, Honor, and Pretend — The lesson from Cherri’s fake marriage experiment is that marriage is a sham for fools, and for failing at it Jerri and Ronnie Leggett each earned an A+   (OK, so maybe this isn’t bad teaching after all.)
  • A Price Too High For Riches — Noblet talks to his class about hillbillies, Okies, tramps, hoboes, and gypsies; teaching them that the poor are dangerous.
  • Jerri’s Burning Issue — Noblet tells his class that Eliot Ness finally took Al Capone down by dressing as a call girl and infecting him with syphilis, which eventually killed him. He goes on to explain that syphilis also wiped out the Romanovs, and it decimated our fleet at Pearl Harbor. He also tells the tale of how Fidel Castro impersonated Marilyn Monroe and gave president John F. Kennedy a case of syphilis so severe that eventually it blew the back of his head off. He then asks if anyone can explain how Mark David Chapman gave John Lennon syphilis.
  • Is Freedom Free? — Jellineck tells Jerri about how great freedom fighters are always persecuted, like when they shot Gandhi in the stomach, or when they shot Martin Luther King in the head, or when Bobby Kennedy drowned in a car accident while his brother was driving.
  • Trail of Tears — Noblet tells his class that a peaceful, napping General Custer was murdered in his sleep by bloodthirsty Indians while he was on a family camping trip.
  • Invisible Love — Noblet asks his class what Shakespeare was trying to say at the end of West Side Story when he had the lovers strangle each other. He explains that death is preferable than having your secret relationship revealed.